It's English, except it's Thai.

An American described sepak takraw as "the sport that's soccer, except it's volleyball." Something similar could be said of the language spoken by the guides at the Jim Thompson House. It's English, except it's Thai. The words and sentences were from English, but spoken to the rhythm and intonation of a tonal language with isolating tendencies. It certainly didn't sound like English. 
Notwithstanding, the guide's English was actually quite good. The place itself was a most elegantly-appointed house museum off an otherwise nondescriptly dusty soi. It was built by a farang, and most of the visitors today appear to be farang. Whatever was I doing there.