'But why?'

Actually, that was a Very Good Question. Because I don't really know. Of course there are replies that come to mind, but the dim hesitation that you sometimes feel towards them are a sure sign that they are more excuses than reasons. They may not be very flimsy, indeed some of them are probably pretty convincing, but at heart you don't really believe in them---they aren't your real motivation. I don't think you'll ever fathom that. So the recent turn of events is by no means a definitive answer, but only another chapter in the long, convoluted narrative that is your tussle with the concept of identity ...