and rimmed with runes of running laughter

Faith ever will I hold
firm, unyielding,
though strife and storm
stand about me.

Wait, what?

I wonder if you aren't the first person to knowingly, deliberately will yourself into a stuporous haze. Whatever on this earth ... 

I should be doing this.

Learn to banish the word "should" from your vocabulary.
One the one hand, do you really have so many "responsibilities"? Where did they come from, anyway? And if you start dropping them because there're too many of them to handle, how is that better than just cleaning disclaiming some of them in the first place?
On the other, there are many, many things that can be great learning experiences. Until you try to do too many of them at once, and then you'll be too busy to learn anything from any of them.
Bottom line: do less. Live more.  

But I should scorn to shiver with terror at the thought

Well put, sir. Very. 

... and there goes the semester!

Come to think of it this kind of knocks George's "shortest lines in PCT history" right out the window.

You should keep up this streak of randomness. I want to see where you end up.

不知量力

Maybe I'm just really greedy.
Don't be. You aren't going to able to do everything, and you're only going to mess up everything you're trying to do by trying too hard.
Or maybe I just don't deal with uncertainty well and try too hard to hedge.
But then of course such half-hearted hedging is doomed to fail. Just set your sights clearly, keep your wits about you, take a breath and GO. And never look back once in a while you can look back, but you really shouldn't be trying to move forward with your gaze on the road behind you, the other roads by the side, anything but the road in front of you. 

Swans on Water

The very picture of effortless grace on the surface, but underneath they're paddling furiously just to stay afloat, let alone move forward. 

Taking any route, starting from anywhere, / At any time or at any season

It would always be the same: you would have to put off
Sense and notion. You are not here to verify,
Instruct yourself, or inform curiosity
Or carry report. You are hear to kneel
Where prayer has been valid. And prayer is more
Than an order of words, the conscious occupation
Of the praying mind, or the sound of the voice praying.

En Saga

Or not really, but now I'm really curious about the Eddas. But anyway, to business.
Proposition A would endorse the Ankara plan over Warsaw, Krakow, or Copenhagen.
Proposition K would instate Kazan as the new Ottoman capital.
Debate.
Update. The answers were no and yes. Consider it made.

Echoes of Cat's Cradle

What if a more sustainable, fitter society is precisely one which sacrifices some degree of individual freedom for the good of the society, of humanity, of the planet? 

Still Profoundly Lost

I'm not sure where I am anymore
Or where I'm going.
Or where I should be.
Or who I really am.
Or should be.
I'm not sure what I should stand for
and whether it's worth it anymore.
Every morning I wake up with a to-do list screaming at me.
So I start diligently going down that list.
And before I know it, it's late in the night again.
And time to sleep again, till the next morning and the next intense burst of stress.
And meanwhile, I seem to be drifting further and further into incoherence.
A bustling incoherence full of exciting possibilities which are pulling you in all sorts of different directions.
Which will end up getting you nowhere, if you don't navigate the currents wisely.
But how should I choose my course?
If I had a choice, what do I really want?
How much of a choice do I even really have?
I don't know.
I don't know anything at all.
Only the daily scramble and grind, and the tiny little bits of sunshine that graces the intervals in between once in a while.
What now?

Finlandia

... here are my hopes, my dreams, my holy shrine;
but other hearts in other lands are beating
with hopes and dreams as true and high as mine
My country's skies are bluer than the ocean,
and sunlight beams on clover leaf and pine.
But other lands have sunlight too and clover,
and skies are everywhere as blue as mine.

Verum est, quod legitur

fronte capillata,
sed plerumque sequitur
Occasio calvata.

And never you forget.

Muffin

... possibly from muffen Lower German for  "small cakes", or somehow connected with moufflet Old French for "soft". Who cares as long as it's tasty, right?
Guess that's also why food names generally don't translate well across long distances. Because there's just too much of a connection to the place and culture.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Quick now, here, now, always—
Ridiculous the waste sad time
Stretching before and after.

Metacynicism

The ancient Cynics regarded virtue (Arete) as the only necessity for happiness. They sought to free themselves from conventions, become self-sufficient, and live only in accordance with nature. They rejected any conventional notions of happiness involving money, power, or fame, in the pursuit of virtuous, and thus happy, lives. In rejecting conventional social values, they would criticise the types of behaviours, such as greed, which they viewed as causing suffering. Emphasis on this aspect of their teachings led, in the late 18th and early 19th century, to the modern understanding of cynicism as "an attitude of scornful or jaded negativity, especially a general distrust of the integrity or professed motives of others." This modern definition of cynicism is in marked contrast to the ancient philosophy, which emphasized "virtue and moral freedom in liberation from desire."

Vertigo

See now (the myth is that?) it all started that day on the glass ceiling ... and intensified later after you'd packed. And since then you've been griping and moping about being nowhere for very long. You've started to see distance as a hindrance---not quite insuperable, but almost. You've haven't yet quite failed to breathe the air that surrounds you or step on the ground that gladly supports you, but you don't seem to appreciate them nearly as much. Because you can only think, but this is not somewhere else. Or, in a few years' time this too will become only a part of my past.
Mais c'est la vie, n'est-ce pas? It doesn't mean you start mourning in advance for the things that you one day, in the distant or not-so-distant future, will have to let go. Only that you make the most of them, and smile while they last. And that you never give up in the face of obstacles, but only grit your teeth smile and try harder.
Du calme, monsieur. Du calme et du courage. And the hidden laughter / Of children in the foliage.

It's called ... wait, what?

yeah shouldn't be that bad
but its known to be late
since there are no other flights coming in
usually
...
yep
thats india for u
haha
i am actually serious
there are no flights usually when the international flights arrive
cause its like 2 am
and they still make all the flights circle around
for 30 mins
yep
...
we have different ways of operating in india buddy
its called
chaos

ALL HAIL THE ROMANIAN.

Yup. Wait, wrong Romanian. Bah

Completely Unnecessary Exercise is completely unnecessary

Or not entirely completely, I guess, but pretty darn close.
Move on, nothing to see here. I hope.
Patience. Goodwill.
And a generous dose of cool, measured irony.

Exercise in Futility

Don't stop to think. Just go. Keep going.
No. That will not do.
Not while you're being rent by increasingly energetic impulses even as the pillars are crumbling into the sea.

Career, Carrera

Inherently unseparable from the rat race. Bah humbug.

Grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.

Science? It's really an art.

There may be falsifiability and the scientific method and all that jazz, but those are only tools. When you have to decide what are the important and interesting questions, how to frame them, how to go about answering them; when you deal with the sheer range of parameters that can vary and have to decide just which of them really need to be controlled; when you interpret the results and build theories upon imperfect, incomplete, noisy data---then there are no hard and fast rules telling you what to do. Only the broad framework of prior knowledge, rules of thumb, and, above anything else, experience, intuition and imagination.
So no, science isn't the same as what might usually be considered the "arts" or the "humanities"---but it is no less of a creative endeavour, and there is nothing mechanical about it.

Fun fact

25ml of the colorless, odorless solution I just made could kill. Hmm.

Chronic uncertainty meets the German.

Really I don't know what I'm doing. Really.

Limerence

"It has no roots whatsoever. It looks nice. It works well in French. Take it from me it has no etymology whatsoever."

Science

If you aren't completely baffled most of the time, you're doing it wrong.

A flâneur skims Boston.

Saturday was another sweltering day, though not as bad as Friday (temperatures in Newark apparently hit a record high that afternoon. Well, well.) It didn't hurt that we spent the hottest hours of the day indoors in the air-conditioned comfort of the Museum of Science, learning that grass and apple smell really similar, trying to locate Waldo but finding only illustrated puns, and marvelling at the sheer range of diets and caloric intake around the world.
Sometime in the afternoon there was lunch at the museum cafe, which had a great panoramic view over the Charles River. The Charles was a recurrent point of reference over the weekend as we crossed back and forth over it along Storrow Drive, first to listen to Elaine gushing over this year's IMO results over dinner, and then to visit the MIT Museum the next day. They hadn't changed any of their exhibits since winter, but they didn't seem any less cool or interesting to me. Technology: it's awesome.

The heatwave had subsided by Sunday, and it was excellent weather for a walk down Mass Ave, by Beacon Hill and through the Public Garden to Chinatown. Far better than the snowy and biting cold that we walked the Freedom Trail in earlier this year. Ambling through the Public Garden after a tasty and very filling bowl of phở bò, watching the crimson and violet sunset over the Boston skyline and people lounging on the lawns enjoying the weather, ZM's comment that this was "such a liveable city" seemed almost undisputable.
Though I couldn't help but wonder---would any of us ever actually live here; truly "belong" here, whatever that may mean? Or would we never be more than mere visitors? And if so, is that reason to be sad? Or is it just the way the world is, something of no import or practical consequence?

Anyway, back to New Jersey now. Cheers.

And all you hear is silence.

Or, the state of the known world.

1. The Ayasofya has become but a wandering symbol. There is no normative involved here, only objective fact.
2. A new symbol is rising to the north-east. Perchance. 
3. In the spirit of their bearers I dedicate these new symbols: Amsterdam, København, and Kraków / Warszawa.

Through a window, at sixty miles an hour.

New Jersey's highways, especially the Turnpike, seemed to have their own unique quality of ugly sprawl, something which rather disappeared once the "New York: Empire State" sign popped up. Or was I just imagining that, based on all the stereotypes of the Garden State / Land of the Mall that everyone, even---particularly---New Jerseyans, has been feeding me?
What Darvin was saying about how New Jersey was the very definition of suburbia also seemed to bear itself out (or perhaps once again, was coloring my view.) Compared to the sprawling prevalence of built-up areas in the Garden State, New York and even Connecticut seemed to have more clearly-delineated rural-urban boundaries, almost in the European mode. The striking towers of Waterbury's Union Station and St. Anne's Church were all the more striking for having appeared almost suddenly after a long passage through relative, lightly-forested emptiness.

I'd like to actually visit these places one day, instead of just flying through on a coach. But then again, would it actually be worth the time and expense to travel through a generally unremarkable stretch of the semi-urban Northeast? The same dilemma is happening in my life, on a slightly larger scale: there are all these paths which all seem interesting, which all seem like they could lead somewhere. But they're all going to take time and energy and expense to pursue, and as much as I would like to, I'm not going to be able to follow up on all of them. So what now?

But anyway, it's approaching eight, and the sun is setting over central Massachussetts. The Mass Pike just flew over a small lake: it was lovely to see the waning light of the sun dance serenely off the watery mirror.
Soon we will arrive in Boston, and then the bustle of life will start anew.

"Is there something you're trying to escape from?"

Yes. The frustration of drudgery. It's something we are all trying to escape from---why else would the concept of entertainment exist? But what if your escapade could shape the course of human experience---if not now or in the near future, then decades, even centuries into the future ... wouldn't that be something?
Not that that alone would have landed you anything, in all likelihood, but a lesson worth remembering: believe in what you say, and don't be afraid to give it straight.

AUGH

Cramming in too much information feels just like stuffing in too much food.
Both leave a slightly nauseous aftertaste.

A still pond.

Let the waters of the world cleanse us, and let us walk lightly in a world that is already wonderful without our fantasies.

Apparently Good Advice

Vouched for by a random person on the street, two in the lab, and counting.

Missing Scale

On the one hand, your mind loves large ideas. Very large ideas. So large they're kind of bland and not very useful. On the other hand it's also excellent at engaging with the tiniest, most minute, most concrete details. That makes you either an excellent waffler, or an excellent technician--except you're not even good with your hands, but never mind that. Both rather useless strengths given your aspirations.

Cathedral

The site of the cathedra, the seat of knowledge and wisdom and learning.

Reflets dans l'Eau: Freshman Year

In some ways, Princeton was just as I expected it to be: intellectually rigorous and challenging, diverse, broad and open-minded and dynamic and forward-looking. No great surprises here---although I do think my roommates were a great blessing. They were friendly, easy-going people whom I very quickly became comfortable with.

Some other things were more unexpected.

I never did expect to take a journalism class. Before I somehow ran into JRN 449 on the course listings I didn't even know those things existed, but hey, there we have it. Richard Bernstein's class was a great experience. Even if he didn't have much experience as a teacher, he was definitely an accomplished journalist, and we learnt a lot about journalism just by listening to him speak about his work and comment on the writing we did. And we didn't just get to listen to him, but also his colleagues at the New York Times whom we met during a class field-trip to the Times headquarters, and his friends and contacts whom he invited to the seminar as guest speakers. I learnt, above all, that journalism was about telling compelling stories, stories that matter, stories that people care about and are interested by. Many of the journalists whom we spoke to did not have the most engaging voices or manners of speaking--often they were just ordinary in that regard--but the things they had to say, they held my rapt attention even if they weren't being pitched in a dramatic, strongly-marketed way.

All those conversations in the dining hall too: one thing I took away from them was that your life was really as interesting as you made it out to be. In other words, it's about how the story is told. Looking back I am struck by how strongly, how fondly many people here recount the childhood memories they hold--think of Salvador or Ashu telling stories from their childhood, say. What happened to your memories? Did you really just repress them?

I also never expected to be anywhere near South Dakota. But Breakout Princeton seemed like a great program, so I applied. And I was accepted on the Rosebud trip, so I went. That really was a helluva experience. Never had anything like it; don't know if I'll ever have anything like it again. The whole issue the trip was centered around--youth suicide on Rosebud reservation--was a depressing one, but seeing all that was being done to try and change that, all that goodwill and hope and energy being directed towards the problem: that was honestly the most genuinely inspiring thing I've felt for a while. It was really inspiring to hear Veronica, while discussing the problems on the reservation during the final group reflection session in Omaha, declare "Melissa and I [our trip leaders] have promised to dedicate our lives to changing these things." On one level that just seems like naïve optimism; but considering they had spent an entire week listening to and seeing the magnitude of the issues, and after having seen that week what was being done, that seemed like more than just naïve optimism: it was a clear, convinced, determined commitment to try and change the world for the better. Now that stuff is supposed to be everywhere, especially in America---but I haven't quite seen it before so nearly clearly or tangibly.

I never expected I would be spending less than three weeks a year in Singapore---and even more than that I never expected to be (even grudgingly) fine with it. Delocalization: it is your new reality.

I usually think of the maths classes I took as "just what was expected", but looking back I see that was not entirely the case. Both analysis and linear algebra moved faster than expected, and covered their respective grounds in thorough, comprehensive, entirely non-trivial and non-superficial ways. Graph theory similarly hopped around quickly and covered more ground than I thought possible for a first course. You may think yourself unprepared to really "do mathematics" at this stage; but the truth is you've only had two basic courses and one departmental, and for that limited amount of coursework you've covered a lot of ground. So it's really up to you to be prepared, to go out there and find out more about what interests you and learn more about it. The most important thing college should teach you is not the material; it's the approach to learning, and the approach to the discipline.

And finally, just being in land of wide-eyed wonder and pervasive confidence has made me less of a jaded cynic. Being in a vigorous, curious intellectual community, and actually having lots of stuff to do, as opposed to loafing around for almost a year, certainly did not hurt there either. In any case, it's a wonderful feeling. The next three years ... I wonder what'll happen then?

Wait, what?

When did I become so cynical? "There's nothing I find completely surprising"---is that really true? Is it just something a cynical, jaded ego insists on blindly as an axiom of experience?

Bohemian

Because the first gypsies in France were taken for followers of Jan Hus, the heretic from Bohemia, various painters and poets were still labeled bohemian to this day. An amalgamation of prejudices based on a misunderstanding, it did not come better than that, and the fact that poets had been identified with vagrants, gypsies, and heathens was pretty good, too. 

(Cees Nooteboom, from Musings in Munich, in Nomad's Hotel)

Tumble / Run

Escherichia coli execute a random walk by alternating between two modes of swimming, running and tumbling. They swim by means of rotating helical flagella. When the flagella rotate counterclockwise, the bacterium swims in a smooth, directed manner. When the flagella rotate clockwise, the bacterium tumbles. Tumbles serve to reorient the bacterium so it will swim in a different (randomly-chosen) direction. When the bacterium swims up gradients of chemical attractants, tumbles are less frequent and the runs thus become longer. When swimming down steep gradients, the bacterium tumbles more frequently and runs are shorter.

In other words: E. coli moves around more or less at random, letting the mechanics of the environment and the whims of its flagella take it where they will. In environments it likes it tries to move less randomly; in environments it dislikes it moves more randomly. In any case a lot about how it decides its path through life is just fundamentally random, although the net result is very much determined by the environment.

Bracing.

Cold. And thin.
But remember: that was your choice. This is your choice.
You can pick another path. You can pick another perspective.
And if you pause and take a breather, you may find warmth in the most inadvertent of places. Hopefully.

Dramatic Overstatement of the Day

Nosebleed in the shower Bathed in my own blood.

But the dreams their children dreamed

Fleeting, unsubstantial, vain,
Shadowy as the shadows seemed,
Airy nothing, as they deemed,
These remain.

Elections in a Nutshell

Write what you see

But do our eyes not deceive us? Is not reality a complex, multi-layered thing, thick with subtleties and intricacies which so easily elude our eyes and minds' eyes alike? Is it not something far too large for any one of us--we who are but small, frail, limited observers--to comprehend?
Perhaps that was precisely the point though. When we try to describe what we do not see, we are presuming to know more than we can. We presume, however implicitly, that we can master reality. Since we know we cannot, why pretend? Write what you see--others will write what they see--and hopefully the combined efforts of many small, limited observers will produce a better approximation to the truth than any individual effort can, however strenuous it may be.

GON OUT

BACKSON.
BISY
BACKSON.
Sigh ...

Entrenchment

Why does this sound so much like that other thing that happened 22 years ago? Let us hope, for the sake of everyone involved, that things will turn out much more peacefully this time ...

I am impressed.

Or actually, on second thought, not that surprising.

A Question of Economics

Yes, everything is larger here. Not just the cars and the highways and the stores, but also the breadth of spirit. People take the time to greet and ask after one another--even if it may only be a superficial gesture--; shopkeepers and passing strangers on the street are more willing to take you at your word; and--New York City excepted--a sense of space pervades over the sense of agitated rush and scramble that is the rule in densely-populated, (over)crowded East Asia.
How ironic, then, that the whole concept is so much more concisely expressed in Chinese: 大气. I guess it was never a want of magnanimity, but rather a lack of resources to express magnanimity. If there weren't all these people around bearing down on one, if there were resources enough so that the competition wasn't so intense---it would be so much easier to be gracious and generous.
Maybe that is simply not to be. With globalization, the field of competition has opened to all 6.8 billion (and counting) for West and East alike. As questions of ecological sustainability come into increasingly sharper focus, it may very well turn out to be the case that nobody on Earth really has such a wealth of resources after all. America's generosity might well have been possible only on borrowed time.
Yet it would be a pity if these habits disappeared altogether, and humanity were reduced (once again?) to a mere state of perpetual fierce, petty competition.
We should step up the conversation. So that you might re-learn the habits of prudence, and we the habits of generosity, and that new and unexpected solutions might emerge in the discourse. So that we might both then become better, yet also fitter, people.

Merriest Returns of the Day

'Tis the gift to be simple,

'tis the gift to be free, 'Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be

Oy vey

Clearly you still have some way to go. But I'm sure you'll find your way there somehow, someday.
What then? Will you thrive in a strange land, surrounded by loud individuals who do not speak your native tongue? Or will you shut yourself up and go through four intensely cold years of isolation? I have faith in your strong personalities, that everything will turn out fine in the end. But I am also convinced that the current system is not at all preparing you well for what it says it is preparing you for. The shock of independence in a strange land---independence in such a large dose, in so many ways at once---something fundamentally challenging and inevitable, but also something which I didn't hear discussed once during my three months with you. Maybe it's the best that can be done with the limited resources at your disposal. Maybe the management needs to buck up and do a better job. Either way, I wish you all the best on the arduous journey ahead.

Life as Quartettsatz

Bursting with the most passionate emotion, and yet still fundamentally incomplete.

Prompt

If you have trouble stepping out of your comfort zone, try leaping right out of it blindfolded. It works, eventually.

Flashback (II)

A stroll down South Clinton Ave

Last week was the most relaxing week I've had since Orientation (even counting Fall Break, because the upcoming workload this time is so much lighter.) On Friday--Thursday night, rather--the snow showers started. After lunch on Friday we had a snowball fight in the Holder courtyard, and then Xinyang and Salvador started rolling giant snowballs to make snowmen. By late evening there was a scene out of Calvin and Hobbes near Blair Arch.
I would have joined in, had I not gone to visit the Social Security Administration in Trenton instead that afternoon ...

Orhan Pamuk Effendi

... who in the quest for the melancholic soul of his native city has discovered new symbols for the clash and interlacing of cultures

It's, strangely, so poetic and yet mechanical---"symbols"?---all at once ...

Moderamente scherzando, un poco umoristico

Happy New Year!
(Yea, that works too. Great.)

Wichtige Begebenheit

Guess a hundred score Waterfords and sixteen times as many diodes is rather hard to outdo. But the next time, when it's your turn to decide---what will you do then?