But is it better to let never exist?

Clearly you believe that, in the case of commitments you doubt you can honour, the answer is a resounding yes. Even if that exchange on Kenmore did make it seem as though, in general, your opinions were exactly the opposite. 

This is probably why I dislike extroverts (and should stop)

Because I spend more time---or at least think I spend more time---in a conversation asking questions about the other person than saying things about myself, and I---subconsciously, at least---expect others to reciprocate. And you get annoyed when they don't, and see it as a case of their monopolizing the discourse for their own ends. Except, you know, that's probably not the most helpful way to think about or deal with this. Especially not when you start to go into long cycles of resentment, variously directed and undirected anger, self-loathing, and rinse-and-repeat. 

Expand your comfort zone

You're comfortable in your solitude. There's nothing wrong with that. If anything that's a strength, not a weakness. But you should also learn to be comfortable around people. 

You're missing the point.

Yes, it hurts to care. But that doesn't mean you should just not. And it certainly does not mean that you should systematically construct a worldview that will justify why you should not. 

Abstract Nonsense

I woke up this morning feeling distinctly unmoored. Maybe it was just the lack of sleep, but for a fleeting but distinct moment, nothing and no-one seemed to matter at all. And then I fell asleep again.
Maybe the relentless drive towards fundamental, pure nihilism has just about bottomed out, and now you can actually build something meaningful. 

Protip #1566

While it is probably true that you should stop over-analysing the living daylight out of all your thoughts and impulses, those instincts in moderation also serve you pretty well in general. You should listen to them and stop freaking out.

Protip #5772

When in excessive doubt, you're probably just being a coward.

Echo Chamber

Not in the sense of killing out competing views, but certainly in the sense of being potentially somewhat enclosed and amplifying anything that might come up into huge, unhealthy feedback loops. Probably something Not Terribly Good that you should try to change.  

When in doubt ...

Deal with concrete specifics. Not categorical absolutes. Very useful thing to remember next time you have an existential crisis. 

Some Things that Make Me Unhappy.

Not giving enough time to the things that interest me, or the people whom I care about.
Brushing things or people off (but do I have to do this in order not to be forced into the first?)
Living life blind and unreflected.
Hypocrisy and hubris.

Some Things that Make Me Happy.

Food,

Friends,

Friends and food;

Visiting,

Travel,

The Sun. 

Serenity and laughter.

Music!

Being silly;

That cosy corner of the room; 

Being appreciated.

Puffins and complex analysis ...

不知量力

Maybe I'm just really greedy.
Don't be. You aren't going to able to do everything, and you're only going to mess up everything you're trying to do by trying too hard.
Or maybe I just don't deal with uncertainty well and try too hard to hedge.
But then of course such half-hearted hedging is doomed to fail. Just set your sights clearly, keep your wits about you, take a breath and GO. And never look back once in a while you can look back, but you really shouldn't be trying to move forward with your gaze on the road behind you, the other roads by the side, anything but the road in front of you. 

Still Profoundly Lost

I'm not sure where I am anymore
Or where I'm going.
Or where I should be.
Or who I really am.
Or should be.
I'm not sure what I should stand for
and whether it's worth it anymore.
Every morning I wake up with a to-do list screaming at me.
So I start diligently going down that list.
And before I know it, it's late in the night again.
And time to sleep again, till the next morning and the next intense burst of stress.
And meanwhile, I seem to be drifting further and further into incoherence.
A bustling incoherence full of exciting possibilities which are pulling you in all sorts of different directions.
Which will end up getting you nowhere, if you don't navigate the currents wisely.
But how should I choose my course?
If I had a choice, what do I really want?
How much of a choice do I even really have?
I don't know.
I don't know anything at all.
Only the daily scramble and grind, and the tiny little bits of sunshine that graces the intervals in between once in a while.
What now?

Missing Scale

On the one hand, your mind loves large ideas. Very large ideas. So large they're kind of bland and not very useful. On the other hand it's also excellent at engaging with the tiniest, most minute, most concrete details. That makes you either an excellent waffler, or an excellent technician--except you're not even good with your hands, but never mind that. Both rather useless strengths given your aspirations.

Wait, what?

When did I become so cynical? "There's nothing I find completely surprising"---is that really true? Is it just something a cynical, jaded ego insists on blindly as an axiom of experience?

Nemine contradictione

Your heart follows its own logic. For better or for worse, you'll be a lot happier if you don't try to confront it head-on.

In a Nutshell

Progress is overrated. I choose serenity.

Agnostic?

'The glory of God in Heaven the human tongue cannot begin to describe.' But you profess to be atheist. So why is it that you still cannot think of a better line to accompany the sonorous and victorious chords of The Bogatyr Gate?
Probably because some part of your mind doesn't quite wish to be atheist, and would rather be agnostic. That's where all the bits about God being a symbol for other ideals and powers such as Science or Reason or Justice, and Heaven being an Ideal State come from. But no, that still isn't quite an adequate description of what your conception of God is. God, to you, is also someone (something?) you could talk to and make requests of and beseech, but who will not respond. It is neither impersonal nor personal, and may or may not be humanised.
Never mind. I am just confused in this respect. And in the meantime, I shall still declare myself Atheist. No. Secular Humanist. (Of course under the usual broad brush strokes in which most people paint religion they both map to "Nil".)

Two observations.

1. I'm a praise zombie. I live off it.
2. Fixity seems to be one of my stubborn character traits. Hmm.